Bono — saving the world through private equity

It's a rare occurence for Celebritish to read the business news. But when we saw the smug mush of Bono Vox gawping at us out of the business pages of the Evening Standard, we had to investigate further.

And we found out about this. Yes, Bono has entered the world of private equity, a decision he defends with quite possibly the wankiest quote ever (yes, even from him):

"I'ma top-line melody guy. I understand harmony. I understand rhythm. But I sell ideas — musical, political and, in this case, commercial ideas. So many great geniuses ended up with nothing. With broken hearts in rooms with broken windows. I want to see artists sitting at the table that decides the outcome of their lives."

Argh! To do these comments justice we'd have to pick up and berate almost every single word of them, so tell you what, we'll just let Bono dig his own grave. Read it, read it again, try to feel any emotions other than rage and despair.

Haha, Bono, you LOSE!

Okay, a bit of a lighthearted headline for what is essentially a story about death and destruction, but man, we really hate that Bono Vox.

And, according to a press release sent to Celebritish towers, so do the African people he's trying to help or be worshipped by, we can't make out which.

Jobs Selasi, founder of African AIDS Action, has released a statement saying Bono 'n' Bob Geldof are "crippling Africa", and that celebrity campaigners serve only to "increase corruption and dependency". His words, our thoughts, nice one Jobs.

So, celebrities, stick to what you're good at. Polticians don't attempt pop careers (with the possible exception of Boris Johnson if recent reports are to be believed), so don't think that just because people (inexplicably) like your songs, this somehow makes you an authority on anything other than being able to rhyme words like "mole", "hole" and "soul" (yes, really, in Elevation — maybe this charidee work is his way of repenting for sins against the English language).