A match made in the dark pits of hell

An air of grim inevitability about this one. Chanelle off the worst Big Brother ever has been seen getting Chiggy (geddit!!) with Calum Best . First response: gross. Second response: if ever two people deserved each other these two fame-hungry no-mark blondies are those people. So, um, good luck to 'em!

Though, to be honest, we can't see it becoming an enduring relationship based on a genuine meeting of subtle, beautiful minds. How can we possibly make this prediction you ask? Psychic powers, that's how — coming into play again for the second time in one week! Mystic Meg, eat your black heart out...

Ziggelle to get hitched

News of yet another celebrity wedding to look forward to (read: take the piss out of) as Chanelle and Ziggy are engaged. While some people think their relationship is based on exclusives with OK! magazine, we think this will be a beautiful and subtle ceremony which is all about the love between two vacuous nobodies. Chanelle is already getting herself moist in anticipation, with talk of Beckham-style thrones and Scottish castles.
While we like the idea of ripping off celebrity weddings we'd much prefer Chaniggy to replicate the Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey Cadburys-Snowflake-Specatacular. That was pure class.