Chantelle: a sterling example to women everywhere

Well, you can say a lot of things about Chantelle Houghton, she of Celebrity Big Brother 'fame', but none of those things would involve the words 'class', 'intelligence' or 'dignity'.

Pictured in a typically delightful pose in the Sun, she spills the beans on her new fella, renowned woman-beater Tony Richardson. You know, the one who left bruises all over Jennifer Ellison. What a catch. Still, you can't fault Chantelle's logic. She said:

'I like to take people on face value. He's fit. He's not in prison so it's not like he could've done anything that bad... I'm not going to waste time thinking about how I feel about it.'

At least we think she did - her words were slightly obscured by the sound of Emmeline Pankhurst spinning in her grave.

Ah well, at least he's 'fit on face value' hey? What a lucky girl...

By the way, this is Tony in all his glory - form an orderly queue ladies.

Celebritish's big celebrity predictions

Receiving a press release about upcoming T4 programme Celebrity Predictions, hosted by rent-a-twat Dave Berry, got us thinking. What on earth does lie in store for our favourite celebrities in the coming year? Or even our unfavourite celebrities, such as those covered in the show: Winehouse, Doherty, Chantelle, Preston, Wills and Kate?

Well, here goes. Look back on this post in a year and marvel at our extreme psychic-ness:

Winehouse: certain death

Doherty: not death, he appears immune to it. Instead, he'll successfully kick the drugs, and take his music in a more poppy direction. A collaboration with Booty Luv sends him to number one with a bullet!

Chantelle: obscurity (we hope). Pregnancy by a fellow Z-list celebrity, leading to an annoyingly lucrative photoshoot with some rubbish magazine (more likely).

Preston: outrages Ordinary Boys fans by taking the band in a death metal direction and changing his name to Gerhardt Gutrot. Outrages non-Ordinary Boys fans by continuing to exist and make music at all.

Wills and Kate: Wills' well-publicised baldness will have him tortured by thoughts of ageing and his own mortality so we're guessing: engagement! Let's all buy hats!

Oh My God!!!??!@@!!

*shoots head off with shotgun*
Ropey, anorexic, perma-tanned, fuck-for-brains Chantelle from Big Brother (not to be confused with Chanelle from Big Brother) has just announced that she has become a millionaire. She's earned £925,000 in a year thanks to the public's utterly unfathomable interest in her dull life.
One little nugget of information in the story that makes Celebritish feel terribly sick is that her and Preston earned £600,000 for the rights to their wedding. This puts the editor of OK Magazine on the level of Hitler in our humble opinion.
The problem with Chantelle is that the longer she's famous, the less likeable she becomes. Sadly it's a matter of waiting for her to become so repulsive that the general public finally cotton on.

Skank of the week

Chris Neal, an electrician from Essex, is one lucky guy — he's managed to sleep with both Chantelle Houghton and Nikki Grahame! If he managed to pull Jade Goody as well that would make some sort of grotesque reality hat trick.

Anyway, Nikki, usually such an easy-going, happy-go-lucky soul, is narked at her mate Chan (who's looking more like Jordan by the day) for stealin' 'er man. And (I can't believe I'm saying this), she has a point. She had him first, and girls shouldn't mess with their friends' exes. And, Chantelle, a word of advice: when you find yourself messing with Nikki Grahame's exes, it's probably time to take a long, hard look at your life.

Kate