Good riddance to Rodney

Rodney Marsh, the very personification of unpleasantness, has unsurprisingly been voted out of the I'm A Celebrity jungle. He was in the bottom two with Gemma Atkinson, but the great British public decided that dull-with-nice-tits definitely beats nasty-with-manboobs.

While on the show, Rodders built a charming hate-hate relationship with the only marginally less vile Lynne Franks. In his exit interview he declared: "I despise everything she stands for."

As far as Celebritish can see, she doesn't really stand for anything. She much prefers the lazier "seated" position.

Cerys and Marc get wild in the jungle

Oooh, saucy! It seems Cerys Matthews and Marc Bannerman are getting on really, really well, which is great news for the I'm A Celeb ratings folks, but not such great news for Marc's girlfriend Sarah Matravers. Marc, you rat!

However, his ladyfriend does go a bit far with her threats to "cut off his kangaroo balls". Sarah, sweetie, the best revenge is living well. And also, "kangaroo balls"? Does the ex-Ender have "weird balls", a la Mark on Peep Show? The nation needs to know! (and we're sure Cerys won't take long finding out).

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, no wonder the lion is asleep

Celebritish was lucky enough to catch all the "action" from the I'm A Celebrity jungle last night, and noted the following things:

1) There was an amusing moment when Rodney Marsh demanded everyone should "get wood". Lynne Franks then told him it was "absurd" to ask her to get wood. Well, obviously! Celebritish was disappointed to realise that they were in fact conversing about collecting firewood. How dull! It comes to something when the best entertainment a programme can offer up is some inadvertent double entendre (that said, a bit of inadvertent double entendre is one of life's true joys).

2) "J" is fairly fit, but not a patch on Matt "Love God" Willis last year.

3) Celebrities "will do anything for a mini chocolate cup". Admittedly we garnered this information from the unfathomably dreadful Iceland ads that frame the show (Katona we fully understand but Jason Donovan, why?!?!). Still, useful information we think you'll agree.

4) John Burton Race "is a twat" — and that's not (just) our opinion, he admitted it on camera and everything! We'd like to also add that he's an "unbalanced twat", as he was willing to die in a sweaty jeep rather than be the first to get voted off the show. Um, ok...

5) Cerys or Marc to win! They both seem nice.

Malcolm McLaren is a wimp or an idiot

Hot on the heels of John Lydon chucking his toys out of the pram comes more childish behaviour from his Dr Frankenstein-esque creator Malcolm McLaren. Yes, McLaren, the shrewd corporate mind behind 'punk', has walked out of I'm a Celebrity before it's even begun. And rather annoyed ITV's press people in the process, by all accounts.

The reasons he gives for pulling out are truly shocking — apparently the setting for the show is nothing more than a 'glorified film set' and everything is carefully modified to ensure the slebs aren't put in any real danger. Well, no shit Sherlock, did you really believe that people like Dean Gaffney and Jan Leeming would be jumping at the chance to take part if there was a real danger that they'd actually die? (Actually scratch that, Gaffney's driving shows he must indeed have some kind of death wish).

The 'angry' ITV producers, however, give rather a different reason that, if true, makes Macca something of a hypocrite: "He became scared and was particularly worried about snakes". Hmm, rock 'n' roll...

Anyway, the really exciting news is that Christopher Biggins might just be replacing him !! Can it be true?? Wow, Celebritish really are peeing our respective pants with excitement over this one - verily the producers have struck gold this time.

I'm A Celeb Jungle Full Of Cocks Again

No, this isn't about Ingrid Tarrant who has just signed up for this years installment (although with the level of popularity Ingrid enjoys she should avoid any kind of public votes for her own safety).

Yet again this year, the z-listers will be chowing down on penises in the name of light entertainment (and "charity") and this time the producers have decided crocodile todgers will be dish of the day.

The people who make these shows are real sadists – not content with rent-a-celebs ingesting animal genitals, they pick deadly animals which must be a bugger to hunt down and de-member. We vote next year they should make animals the contestants and let them get their own back on Ant McPartlin's little chap (and we don't mean Dec).