A Twisted Carol

Nope this isn't about Margaret Thatcher's daughter, its even worse.

There is to be a comedy pantomime reworking of A Christmas Carol starring Alfie Allen, Jaime Winstone, David Gest, Harry Enfield and Miquita Oliver.

We're struggling to put a positive spin on this – it is for charity after all – but we can't. Pantomimes are supposed to be the antithesis of cool, when did they become so hip as to warrant the occupants of the Hawley Arms joining in?

I suppose it could be worse, Chesney Hawkes' Christmas Cracker extravaganza at Club 1 in Ascot has the following line up. Read it and quite literally weep: Chesney Hawkes, Tony Hawks, Bobby Davro, Jason Donovan, Nik Kershaw, Brandon Block, Rick Parfitt Jnr, Bernard Cribbins

ps. Alfie Allen was supposed to be at the launch of A Twisted Carol but didn't turn up. Does this signal the end to a very, very short romance with Jaime Winstone? I do hope so, then she can get on with her important work for the celebrity sibling inbreeding programme.

Two great dynasties, brought together at last

Lily Allen's little bro Alfie has found time between his rehearsals for naked horse-perv extravaganza Equus (© The Sun) to find romance with Jaime Winstone.

They really do make rather a cute couple, but Celebritish aren't sure we want it to last, mainly because the blending of Ray Winstone's and Keith Allen's genes could surely have some pretty scary consequences...