Friendship never ends?

Well, the Spice Girls have come to the end of their world tour.

And, from the look on Victoria's face as the girls shared a 'spontaneous' group hug, not a moment too soon...

On their website, the girls posted: "There are tears of both sadness and joy." Really?

What she really, really wants

Celebritish today received a press release headed thus:

Lianne Morgan (Original Spice Girl) Seeks Band.

Yes, some poor bint actually has these words trailing after her name, like the deformed, retarded cousin of pHd or MPhil. Very sad.

Still, Lianne is back on the road and looking for a band, a band with the following qualities no less:
"can sing backing vocals like Aretha Franklin, play lead guitar like Joe Satrini, piano like Burt Bacharach, base guitar like the funky soul madina, and a drummer with class and slick style."

We'll ignore the three glaring misspellings of names and instruments, but we do like the way that they run out of famous musos to mention toward the end - clearly naming a famous drummer is a bridge too far for Lianne.

Still a bit of advice for anyone who might be thinking of auditioning: if you really can sing like Aretha or play like Satrini (sic) or Bacharach, you might like to think about aiming a bit higher than hooking up with a woman who was replaced by Mel C.

Puh-lease

Seems Celebritish is laying into the Spices somewhat today, but we think that Old Spice Geri Halliwell might be playing fast and loose with the truth after she claimed that the girls won't make a profit from their reunion tour. To borrow an expression from Wayne's World: shyuh!

Apparently the reunion "isn't a money-making expedition — it's about party and celebration."

When Celebritish want to party and celebrate, we tend to do so with people we like, or at least can stand being in the same room with. Anyone who's had the misfortune to witness the girls' lame attempts to disguise their mutual loathing in recent TV interviews will be able to confirm the tone is anything but celebratory... it's quite obvious what they really, really want, and it's made of paper and has the queen's face on it.

Spice Girl sex guru

It seems as soon as you get over the indulgences of Christmas something else comes along to make you feel thoroughly sick.

Victoria Beckham has revealed she and the rest of the Spice Girls know where to go for sex advice. And where might that be?

“If we have sex problems, we go to Mel B - she is like the doctor.”

Ugh! The Spice Girls are so desperate for headlines they'll say virtually anything these days, but we do wonder what these problems might be?

Victoria: "Mel, I've got a problem. I've starved myself and had so much plastic surgery that my husband now finds me repulsive. Help me!"

Geri: "Yeah I've got a problem too, I'm such a neurotic bitch that I drive away any man who comes near me. What shall I do?"

Mel C: "And I'm not even sure who I want to shag. Apparently I used to be a lesbian but God knows what I am now?"

Poor Mel B, she's probably got enough going on with the Eddie Murphy court case without worrying about the sex-lives of the sad old desperadoes she works with.

Mel B - favourite

Our appetite for the Spice Girls' home coming has been whetted repeatedly over the last few weeks with the stunning Tesco advert and their career-defining new single. Now Mel B has become favourite to win Dancing With The Stars and we are peeing our collective pants in anticipation of the gigs next month in London. Conveniently, tickets for said shows are going for as little as 99p on ebay so we're in luck!

In other news Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes turned up at one of the Girl's rehearsals with their daughter Suri.

Victoria said: "It was lovely of them to come down to rehearsals. Katie has told me that she used to be a big Spice fan."

"Used to be"?!!! Clearly Katie has been abducted by aliens (we've always had our suspicions about Tom) and doesn't know the Spice Girls have reunited. GIRL POWER FOREVER!

Economy Brand

Russell Brand has revealed he would like an orgy with the Spice Girls.

This isn't so surprising – Russell would indulge in carnal relations with a toaster so long as it promised not to sell it's story to The Daily Star – but his standards do seem to be slipping. Not so long ago he was linked to Kate Moss, now he's going for five washed-up has beens.

He said he “wouldn’t put them in an order. I think they’re lovely." And went on to say he'd “try and sleep with all of them at once and I’m sure I’d fail miserably.”

He'd probably only fail because they can't bear to be in the same room as each other these days.

Incidentally, on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross (we're not normally in on a Friday, honest!), Brand admitted if he knew he was about to die he'd "chat up Daniel Craig".

We've heard of some lame final requests but the opportunity to chat up the most tedious Bond in history beats them all.

Every little helps (when you're multi-billionaires)

The Spice Girls are getting all the most high-class gigs now they're back, aren't they? Well, if advertising low-rent supermarkets is a high-class gig, that is.

Apparently they're seen enjoying a Christmas feat in the ads, a hilarious concept in Beckham's case. And there's more from a 'source': "The ads are very funny because the girls insisted it had to be a send-up."

Hmm, well we'll reserve judgment on that until we've seen them, but we're not exactly expecting Peter Cook-esque comic genius. The main amusing aspect is really that they insisted it be a send-up in the first place - presumably so they can pretend it's just a bit of a laugh, and advertising Tesco is never something they'd do seriously, for serious megabucks. No girls, of course it isn't.

Giving you what now?

News reaches Celebritish that the Spice Girls are making a documentary for the BBC. It's going out on BBC One on November 2, the same day that the Beeb are giving new vid Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) its first airing.

Evil genius Simon Fuller describes the show as "the story of the greatest pop phenomenon since The Beatles, in their own words". But Si, it's about The Spice Girls, not Michelle McManus, so what you chattin' about bro?

It's called The Spice Girls: Giving You Everything. Including the flu, a headache and syphilis, presumably.