Ashley Cole is love sick

Everyone will have read the story about Ashley Cole cheating on Cheryl by now so we won't bother explaining it but we did like this bit:

“Ashley is wild. He knew exactly what he was doing and was pretty good."

Apart from the "pretty good" suggesting he left something to be desired we'd say that's a 3 star review so then we're a little surprised to hear:

"We started having sex but then he was sick all over the cream carpet."

Jesus Christ, this girl is easily pleased. If he "knew exactly what he was doing" why on earth would he make the rather odd decision to vomit as they did the business? Is this what young people are doing these days? We despair!

More to the point, can't Cheryl do better than Ashley? First it was alleged mobile phones up alleged bums, now it's allegedly being sick whilst allegedly cheating on her. Cheryl if you're reading this, one half of Celebritish would be more than happy to make a substitution.

Update: In a Celebritish exclusive: we've found the video! (it's a bit nsfw)