Malcolm McLaren is a wimp or an idiot

Hot on the heels of John Lydon chucking his toys out of the pram comes more childish behaviour from his Dr Frankenstein-esque creator Malcolm McLaren. Yes, McLaren, the shrewd corporate mind behind 'punk', has walked out of I'm a Celebrity before it's even begun. And rather annoyed ITV's press people in the process, by all accounts.

The reasons he gives for pulling out are truly shocking — apparently the setting for the show is nothing more than a 'glorified film set' and everything is carefully modified to ensure the slebs aren't put in any real danger. Well, no shit Sherlock, did you really believe that people like Dean Gaffney and Jan Leeming would be jumping at the chance to take part if there was a real danger that they'd actually die? (Actually scratch that, Gaffney's driving shows he must indeed have some kind of death wish).

The 'angry' ITV producers, however, give rather a different reason that, if true, makes Macca something of a hypocrite: "He became scared and was particularly worried about snakes". Hmm, rock 'n' roll...

Anyway, the really exciting news is that Christopher Biggins might just be replacing him !! Can it be true?? Wow, Celebritish really are peeing our respective pants with excitement over this one - verily the producers have struck gold this time.

I'm A Celebrity update

So here we have the definitive list of celebs heading to the jungle on Monday:

Malcolm McLaren, Cerys Matthews, Marc Bannerman, ‘J’ from Five, Gemma Atkinson, John Burton Race, Janice Dickinson, Lynne Franks, Rodney Marsh and Anna Ryder Richardson

And a few random quotes from the press release:

Malcolm:
“I am looking forward to doing it with people who I probably don’t know..."
Admittedly we cut that quote short but he's a boring old fart and we couldn't be bothered to read any more.

Cerys Matthews:
“I’m looking for Tarzan. My Tarzan.”
We don't think she'll be letting Malcolm near her then, but J from Five would look quite good in a loin cloth.

“If I had to be an animal in the jungle I’d be a kangaroo, a mama kangaroo; they keep their things in their pouch.”
Too much information, love, lets move on.

Marc Bannerman
“I’ve been practising on the cat, the cat’s got no balls left because I’ve been chewing on them for the last three days to practice!“
Think he might be taking this a bit seriously. Marc, IT'S ONLY A BIT OF FUN.

“Dean Gaffney said ‘Just go for it, you’ll really enjoy it.’ I trust his judgement he’s a shrewd fella, he’s a clever guy, and if he can live through his fears then so can I God dammit!”
We love Dean Gaffney as much as the next celebrity blog but trusting his judgment and calling him shrewd and clever is just wrong.

J from Five
"I’ve spent the past five or six years with like various philosophies."
Says it all really doesn't it?

Gemma Atkinson
“I’m just hoping I don’t do anything or you know get in bed with anybody when I’m asleep.”
We don't think Malcolm would mind to be honest.

“I’m hoping the public will see a genuine more normal side to me as opposed to my glamorous posing semi naked side."
Oh the glamour of getting your tits out in The Sun!

John Burton Race
“If I get desperate for protein and real food I’ll just kill one of the celebrities, chop them up and eat them.”
Erm okay...

Janice Dickinson
“I’ve been around the world, I’ve eaten monkey brain"
Delightful!

Lynne Franks
"I’m doing it for women everywhere really.”
If only they knew who you were they'd probably be very grateful.

Rodney Marsh
"When things are going great in a friend's relationship I’ll always find a way to sabotage."
What a lovely chap!

Anna Ryder Richardson
“I will keep my pants on very tight all the time. Don’t care what I look like.”
Why?!

"I wanted to learn how to make an igloo out of a palm tree.”
What?!!?

Right, I give up, this programme is going to be far too confusing.