Andrew Lloyd Webber brings us closer to Summer

Face-transplant-guineapig Lloyd Webber has revealed he has cheated Hollyoaks viewers (that can't be very hard, can it?) by 'planting' Summer Strallen in the Channel 4 show before cruelly reeling her back to be launched as a star of the West End.

Having asked for the opinion of some of our theatre experts we have discovered the only thing Hollyoaks proved for Summer is the fact she can't act and has a very annoying face.

First a sitcom with a fictional making-of show, now planting aspiring musical stars in soap operas to raise their profile. What next? Rik Waller taking up residence in the new series of Skins for the launch of his new book, "1001 Uses For Lard"? Watch this space.

Lloyd-Webber on Hollyoaks - the verdict!

We're shameless enough to admit that we actually saw this last night - strictly for research purposes, you understand.

Andy L-W was pursued around London by desperate wannabe Summer, and coldheartedly rejected her mediocre attempt at auditioning on the street because she was obviously a loon.

It really was one of the most embarrassing, rubbish, television moments we've observed in recent times, and we'd like to advise Webber to stay away from the screen in future and stick to the stage — and even that in a strictly behind-the-scenes capacity, thanks very much.

This sorry debacle led us to ponder further on celebrity cameos in soaps, and why they're ALWAYS shit. Seriously, it's one of life's great mysteries! We are, obviously, not referring to the Pet Shop Boys appearing in Neighbours — that legendary moment was the exception that proves the rule.

UPDATE: Oh ok, we've just read this — and must admit its rather a clever idea on Lloyd-Weber's part. She REALLY didn't seem particularly good in those scenes though, but maybe it's impossible not to take on an air of talentlessness when appearing on Hollyoaks.