The wisdom of the birds

Celebritish had to shed a slight tear (of mirth) upon reading the dreadful news that 40,000 Katie Price and Peter Andre albums have been discovered rotting and covered in bird shit.

We particularly like this quote from the finder, who chose to remain nameless: "I thought I’d stumbled on a stash of Coldplay’s new album ready for sending out, so I was gutted when I saw it was some rubbish Jordan and Peter Andre tried to get in the charts. "

Mainly for the fact that the MOST EXCITING thing he could possibly imagine the mystery find to be was the new Coldplay album.

Anyway, a more apt fate we can barely imagine, and there's something especially satisfying about it because Jord and Pete strike us as such an obsessively, shinily clean couple. The yin to Wino's yang. Speaking of whom, apparently she's going to be kept in hospital for as long as it takes her to quit The Drugs. We estimate that to be exactly as long as she stays in hospital and not a day beyond that. Still, nice to see an unnamed "source" giving the tabs a run for their money in the punning stakes: "There is a feeling her family can have a good crack at sorting her out this time." Well, put that in your pipe and smoke it Gordon Smart!

Peter Andre likes Boys

Peter Andre has revealed when he first laid eyes on Boy George he thought the girly-man was gorgeous.

Andre, who was was knee-high to a grasshopper at the time, apparently mistook Boy (fairly obvious clue there, Pete) George for a girl and screamed "She's hot!" at his telly.

“I thought I was going to marry this woman,” said the vertically challenged Jordan-humping former heartthrob.

Celebritish had an experience like this in the late nineties when a young chap called Brian Molko started appearing in Melody Maker. Secretly we knew he was a man but we still pretended to be shocked when the bigger boys noticed us gazing longingly at posters of the vertically challenged Placebo frontman. Suddenly we are starting to warm to Mr Andre.

PS Apologies for the lack of Celebritish 'action' over the last few days. We have finally sorted out our problems with Rick Waller and the restraining order is in place. Take that, Rick!

Jordan: who'll take her up the aisle (again, yawn)

Jordan and Peter Andre are set to renew their wedding vows in a second extravaganza of tack.

Apparently Jordan was too depressed to enjoy the ceremony last time (yeah, you and the rest of the world, love).

Seems a bit unfair that, while mere mortals have to face years of penury if they want a half-decent nuptial ceremony, the tangerine-hued twosome will of course be making a wodge of cash from walking down the aisle again for no sensible reason.

Still, have to admit I'm looking forward to it — if she can top the My Slutty Barbie Monstrosity pink dress from last time, those picture deals will be worth the money...