Cowell goes world-class

Ooh, here's a new and exciting idea from the big greedy brain of Mr Simon Cowell: The World's Got Talent . Yes, an international version of the reality show that recent Celebritish star Paul Potts won.

According to Toothshine McHighwaist: "The planet has been crying out for a world talent competition."

Has it Simon? Has it really? The planet might be crying out for a number of things — world peace perhaps, an end to hunger, evil dictators and climate change. What the planet has not been crying out for is a world talent competition. Especially if "the planet" has a long enough memory to recall the horror that was "World Idol", where Will Young disappointed himself and others with a lame-ass performance, but it didn't matter anyway as "the planet" decided that a terrible Kurt Cobain impersonator from Norway or somewhere was, in fact, the idol of the world. Ah, happy memories.

Simon Cowell is attractive and bigger than Brad Pitt

Simon Cowell seems to be on the media offensive this week due to his group Futureproof being voted out of X Factor and his only remaining hope being Hope (sub-Pussycat Dolls tripe). What better way to have your ego massaged than to get pop singers to heap praise upon you?

First Leona Lewis said she found him attractive:
“Simon’s great. I get that people find him attractive, it’s probably the power thing. He’s got a lot of power, so I can see it."
She does concede that it was probably because of his power and the fact he's pulling the strings in her career would make her weary of calling him a scrotum-faced loser wouldn't it.

Now Westlife have said that Simon is bigger than Brad Pitt (and they're not talking about his man-boobs):
“Simon is bigger than Brad Pitt in America. We met up with him in the States a couple of years ago but we couldn’t get near him because he was so busy signing autographs."

Tomorrow: God claims Simon Cowell is "better than Jesus".