Celebrity Mother Of The Year - A potted history

Yesterday, Suzanne Shaw of Hear'Say and Dancing On Ice fame recieved the honour of being made Celebrity Mum of The Year (sponsored by Le Redoute).

We thought we'd take a look back at the history of the prestigious award and which shining examples of maternal love and nurturing it has been bestowed upon previously.

Last year, the prize (sponsored by Grattan this time) was won by a woman who rarely gets the accolades she deserves. Jordan, also known as Katie Price, likes to keep away from the limelight so little is known about her. What we do know is that she is the kind of caring person who will dedicate every waking hour to ensure her children grow up well-adjusted and as normal they can in the crazy world of showbiz.

The year before that, Sharon Osbourne received the Celebrity Mum Of The Year Award from Freemans. Sharon proved what a caring mother she was when she forked out for all of her children to go to rehab to deal with drug addictions they had acquired whilst underage at clubs in LA with 'the wrong crowd'. Kids, eh?

In 2005, Celebrity Mum Of The Year, this time sponsored by Quality Street, was awarded to Kerry Katona. Kerry, best known for her lucrative deal with OK! magazine has always put her family first - giving her unborn babies a little pick me up with a beer and a fag and topping up their college fund with staged paparazzi shoots. But she was cruelly branded "Most Irritating Individual In Britain" by milk substitute (?!) 'Lactofree'. Those milk-hating fascists can shut up! Are they mum of the year 2005? No they are not!

Ulrika Jonsson was Mum Of The Year 2004. She certainly can't be accused of embarassing her children by shagging Sven Goran Eriksson, John Leslie, Stan Collymore, a camera man, Hunter from The Gladiators, an Afghan sheep farmer, Tiny Tim, that bloke off of the Cillit Bang adverts etc. And confessing to being a sex addict. Also calling one of your children Bo is a beautiful tribute to your grandfather, not an open invitation to any bullies to flush your child's head down the toilet.

For some reason in 2003 the powers that be decided to give the award to Melinda Messenger. Some people might be taken in by her "Ooh I'm so lovely" act but we've seen footage of her revealing herself as a fan of George Galloway on This Morning. Is there any worse condemnation of a person's character?

Proving that she truly deserves the accolade, Kerry Katona won Mum Of The Year in 2002 as well as 2005. Here she is pictured with her mother, you know, the one who shagged Kerry's boyfriend and introduced her to booze and drugs. Who would have thought Kerry would rise above this and become a successful mother, celebrity and novelist?

America might have the Oscars, but we have the Celebrity Mum Of The Year Award (next year to be sponsored by Spam?) and we're bloody proud of it.

It's a cruel world

Celebritish have just returned from walking the streets aimlessly in the freezing cold rain. We don't quite know what to do with ourselves.

Usually we take celebrity news with a pinch of salt but this morning we were viciously kicked in the bollocks by the tragic news that Kerry Katona has been dropped by Iceland.

We're trying to hold it together but the urge to send malicious missives to the Iceland HQ is getting the better of us. How could they do this to someone so kind, so virtuous.

Much as we love their prawn rings, we're calling on all readers to boycott Iceland until they agree to take Kerry back.

And if you're reading this "OK!" magazine, may I suggest you think twice before removing Kerry's insightful essays from the pages of your magazine.

Someone as thoughtful as Kerry needs an outlet for her musings as this nugget from last week proves:

"Things really do seem to be going from bad to worse for Amy Winehouse. She needs to check into rehab. I know she said 'no, no, no' but it needs to be 'yes, yes, yes'!"

Kerry - if the work dries up, rest assured there will always be a job waiting for you at Celebritish Towers.

MTV - always groundbreaking

We weren't sure how MTV would surpass 'Jodie Marsh: Who'll Take Her Up The Aisle' but after a tense 6 month wait, they have come out with arguably the most revolutionary televisual concept ever:

It's a reality TV show.

It's got Kerry Katona in it.

It's called Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love



Let's give ourselves a minute to take this in and listen to the wise words of an MTV producer:

"In this no-holds-barred reality show, Kerry and new hubby Mark Croft offer a zany, off-the-wall insight into their entertaining and extraordinary lives."

Zany! Off-the-wall!!!! Holy mother of Christ, this is like nothing we have ever heard of. Where do they get these ideas from?

It's imaginative thinking like this that makes British television the best in the World. While America churns out crap like Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Sopranos we quietly set about making groundbreaking shows like Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love and Pete's PA. Up yours USA!

Pot calls kettle black, world keeps spinning.

Kerry Katona from the Iceland adverts and Atomic Kitten (whoever they are) has decided the British public are desperately in need of some more of her wise words.
This time she punched above her weight and went for Victoria Beckham, saying poor old Vicky is "sad and desperate". Remember Kerry selling her "my boyfriend cheated on me with my mum but I don't care cos I hate them" story to OK Magazine? Apparently that isn't "sad and desperate", and no, it isn't even tragic as most people would assume.
Miss Katona continues:
"Sometimes I find it very hard to understand Victoria Beckham."
Jesus Kerry, getting your tits out in The Sun at 16 probably isn't the best education in the world but you of all people should understand the need for publicity, you're in the same machine as Victoria and you'd give away your own children to be married to David Beckham and live in Los Angeles.