THE CELEBRITISH CHRISTMAS QUIZ

Without further ado, we bring you (drum roll please) The Big Festive Celebritish Christmas Quiz! Print it out, answer the questions, tot up your scores and discover if you are an inbecile. Answers are in the comments section.

1. Cheryl Tweedy would like to be what if she wasn't a popstar?

a) forensic detective
b) a nobody
c) binman
d) prostitute

2. Who said "I’d lick ***'s tooth that’s missing by sticking my tongue in between the gap and everyone knows I’ve got a good tongue”, and about whom?

a) Gene Simmons about Albert Steptoe
b) Abi Titmuss about Madonna
c) David Gest talking about Amy Winehouse
d) Stephen Hawking about Shane McGowan

3. What did Katie Price say she would like inscribed on her tombstone?

a) "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal"
b) "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative"
c) "She had perfect tits"
d) "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."

4. Which celebrity said they had been busy indulging in 'w***ing, shooting heroin and bum sex' since the release of their last album?

a) Aled Jones
b) Holly Valance
c) Robbie Williams
d) Donny Osmond

5. Who refused to write a song for Britney's latest album?

a) Chas and Dave
b) Mr Blobby
c) Keane
d) Iron Maiden

6. What did Hugh Grant hurl at a papparazzi earlier this year?

a) Eggs
b) His own faeces
c) A bag of cute kittens
d) Baked Beans

7. Which drug did Pete Doherty give his cat?

a) Asprin
b) Catnip
c) Calpol
d) Crack

8. Who's shirt-potatoes feature in this picture?

a) Jodie Marsh
b) Simon Cowell
c) Judy Finnegan
d) Jordan

9. What is the substance Amy Winehouse decorates her nose with?

a) Sherbert
b) Chalk
c) Cocaine
d) Milk

10. With whom did Richard Blackwood star in a theatre production of The Unexpected Guest?

a) Thandie Newton
b) Dean Gaffney
c) Ian McKellan
d) John Simm

11. Who got voted 'Princess Of Cool' this year?


a) Fearne Cotton
b) Hitler
c) Beth Ditto
d) Boy George

12. Who said their ideal night out would involve "a rugby or football team, a private table and several bottles of champagne"?

a) Rik Waller
b) Sir Patrick Moore
c) Kelly Brook
d) Jeremy Paxman

13. Whose mum said of their offspring: "he/she wasn't thick, but he/she wasn't far off it"?

a) Pete Doherty's
b) Katie Price's
c) Ricky Hatton's
d) Jade Goody's

14. Who is hiding in this picture?

a) Christopher Biggins in a wig
b) Lily Allen
c) Gemma Atkinson
d) Chantelle Houghton

15. What was Alan Davies' excuse for biting a tramps ear?

a) "I just love the crunchy texture of a tasty tramp's ear"
b) "It was a magic trick that went wrong"
c) "I was very upset and emotional after delivering a eulogy at a funeral"
d) "I hate the homeless and all they stand for"

16. Who said: 'It's over. She couldn't stand the smell of stale fags, beers and kebabs in her nice living room. Can't say I blame her really'

a) Pete Doherty on Kate Moss
b) Johnny Borrell on Kirsten Dunst
c) Ziggy on Chanelle
d) Prince William on Kate Middleton

17. Who finds this man attractive?

a) Dannii Minogue
b) Rhydian
c) Kate Moss
d) Jade Goody

18. Who wrote these moving lyrics: "It's just sometimes, when like, you're feeling a bit down or whatever, you tend to like, lose sight of things, like your perspective and stuff"

a) Lily Allen
b) Rufus Wainwright
c) Kate Nash
d) Bob Dylan

19. What is missing from this picture of Charlotte Church?

a) A sex toy
b) A microphone
c) A snake
d) Ronnie Corbett

20. And finally, what is your favourite website?

a) 2 Girls 1 Cup
b) Celebritish
c) ChesneyHawkes.com
d) Anything on YouTube involving fluffy kittens.


For those of you not aware of us, Celebritish is a blog which celebrates the good (not very much) and mocks the bad (mostly) in the world of UK celebrity. www.celebritish.blogspot.com

Lily Allen is preggers

Celebritish would like to congratulate Lily Allen and Chemical Brother Ed Simons on the happy news that they are expecting a little baby. Aw bless.

We get the feeling that Lily, unlike certain of her celeb counterparts (yes, Kate Moss, we're looking at you), might make a decent fist of motherhood. And, as we can't see her musical career extending beyond the inevitably disappointing second album ("Wasn't the first album disappointing enough?" - The World), she should have plenty of time to devote to it.

Lil's heartfelt response

Lily Allen has revealed that the reason behind her recent weight loss was finding out that shehas a heart murmur. Hmm. All very well to head to the gym, tone up and cut down on the biscuits, but surely there are some other habits that Lily appears to be still indulging in that won't be doing her heart much good? We refer ONLY to her well-publicised heavy drinking sessions and smoking, not to ANYTHING ELSE that might aid weight loss while at the same time not being very good for your heart...

Lily Who?

After the bizarre revelation last week that Lily Allen was to present a TV show about Myspace, this morning the BBC have confirmed their utter insanity by revealing they are considering Lily for the role of the assistant in Doctor Who.

Apart from the fact there is no real evidence that Lily can act (or sing for that matter) a source reveals that both sides are very excited about the possibility.

“Billie used Dr Who for her transition from music to acting. We think Lily can emulate that."

What the source is forgetting here is that Billie trained in LA, and was cast in various acting roles before she was considered for the role of Rose.

With David Tennant also leaving after this series the source goes on to speculate about other actors in line for the main role:

“With Lily and someone younger and edgier in the lead role it could open up the show to a new, trendier crowd. Rhys Ifans has been linked with the role."

Rhys bloody Ifans? We love him but the only thing on Doctor Who he is "younger and edgier" than is the tardis.

Although Dr Who will be unbearable to watch with Lily we are looking forward to Rhys bringing a touch of "Withnail" to proceedings.

This does not make us smile

We don't like to berate the BBC here at Celebritish — they get enough of that from everyone else and at the end of the day any broadcaster who shows us Flight Of The Conchords once a week can't be all bad. That said, this sounds like a big pile of poo.

Lily Allen presenting a show based on MySpace. Yes, capturing the zeitgeist there Beeb, it's not like MySpace is last year's news and everyone's moved over to Facebook or anything is it? And as if Allen wasn't already sufficiently surrounded by sycophants, the audience will be entirely comprised of her online "friends".

BBC Three controller Danny Cohen reassures himself in a faintly desperate manner, "She's one of the hottest acts around." Hmm, again, maybe a tad behind the times there Danny — "She's arguably the purveyor of one-and-a-half decent singles in summer-autumn 2006" would be more accurate.

Lily: Posh Makes Me Laugh

Showing behaviour completely out of character, Lily Allen has laid in to Victoria Beckham in a new interview.

She mocks Posh saying "It does make me laugh to see pictures of Victoria Beckham on the front of a magazine."
Personally, I find it makes me a little bit sick in my mouth but I suppose laughter is a viable option.

She goes on: “I think, ‘You’re not promoting anything, you don’t need the money, so all it’s about is being famous’."

Ms Allen points this out in an interview with a newspaper 16 months after her last album came out with no release date set for her next. One wonders what Lily is promoting and why she needs the money and fame?

If the wind changes you'll be stuck like it

What the heck is up with celebs' faces this week? Lily Allen's looking even more monged than usual, and check out Kelly O - who'd have thought she'd be auditioning for Shaun of the Dead 2, eh?

Seriously girls, there's no excuse - I don't care how much gak you might be on, Kate Moss managed to sustain a world class habit and never look anything less than ravishing in the following day's tabloids.

So shoulders back, chests up, big smiles and say cheese!

Kate

The ecstasy of new love

Apparently Lily Allen's new squeeze Ed Chemical Brother is proving a bad influence on her - though Lil doesn't seem the kind of girl who would take much influencing to me...

And the support for the theory seems a little spurious too: The Mirror reports that 'pals' are worried about the relationship because:

"Lily boasted she took her first ecstasy tablet at the Chemical Brothers' set in Glastonbury in 1997."


Um, riiight. So a twelve-year-old Lily taking some drugs in a muddy field is somehow the fault of the performer, then a complete stranger to her, who happened to be onstage at the time. Interesting. Still, if we're going to start blaming musicians for their audience's drugginess, does that mean we can bang the Klaxons up? If so, here here!

Kate