Without further ado, we bring you (drum roll please) The Big Festive Celebritish Christmas Quiz! Print it out, answer the questions, tot up your scores and discover if you are an inbecile. Answers are in the comments section.
1. Cheryl Tweedy would like to be what if she wasn't a popstar?
a) forensic detective
b) a nobody
2. Who said "I’d lick ***'s tooth that’s missing by sticking my tongue in between the gap and everyone knows I’ve got a good tongue”, and about whom?
a) Gene Simmons about Albert Steptoe
b) Abi Titmuss about Madonna
c) David Gest talking about Amy Winehouse
d) Stephen Hawking about Shane McGowan
3. What did Katie Price say she would like inscribed on her tombstone?
a) "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal"
b) "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative"
c) "She had perfect tits"
d) "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
4. Which celebrity said they had been busy indulging in 'w***ing, shooting heroin and bum sex' since the release of their last album?
a) Aled Jones
b) Holly Valance
c) Robbie Williams
d) Donny Osmond
5. Who refused to write a song for Britney's latest album?
a) Chas and Dave
b) Mr Blobby
d) Iron Maiden
6. What did Hugh Grant hurl at a papparazzi earlier this year?
b) His own faeces
c) A bag of cute kittens
d) Baked Beans
7. Which drug did Pete Doherty give his cat?
8. Who's shirt-potatoes feature in this picture?
a) Jodie Marsh
b) Simon Cowell
c) Judy Finnegan
9. What is the substance Amy Winehouse decorates her nose with?
10. With whom did Richard Blackwood star in a theatre production of The Unexpected Guest?
a) Thandie Newton
b) Dean Gaffney
c) Ian McKellan
d) John Simm
11. Who got voted 'Princess Of Cool' this year?
a) Fearne Cotton
c) Beth Ditto
d) Boy George
12. Who said their ideal night out would involve "a rugby or football team, a private table and several bottles of champagne"?
a) Rik Waller
b) Sir Patrick Moore
c) Kelly Brook
d) Jeremy Paxman
13. Whose mum said of their offspring: "he/she wasn't thick, but he/she wasn't far off it"?
a) Pete Doherty's
b) Katie Price's
c) Ricky Hatton's
d) Jade Goody's
14. Who is hiding in this picture?
a) Christopher Biggins in a wig
b) Lily Allen
c) Gemma Atkinson
d) Chantelle Houghton
15. What was Alan Davies' excuse for biting a tramps ear?
a) "I just love the crunchy texture of a tasty tramp's ear"
b) "It was a magic trick that went wrong"
c) "I was very upset and emotional after delivering a eulogy at a funeral"
d) "I hate the homeless and all they stand for"
16. Who said: 'It's over. She couldn't stand the smell of stale fags, beers and kebabs in her nice living room. Can't say I blame her really'
a) Pete Doherty on Kate Moss
b) Johnny Borrell on Kirsten Dunst
c) Ziggy on Chanelle
d) Prince William on Kate Middleton
17. Who finds this man attractive?
a) Dannii Minogue
c) Kate Moss
d) Jade Goody
18. Who wrote these moving lyrics: "It's just sometimes, when like, you're feeling a bit down or whatever, you tend to like, lose sight of things, like your perspective and stuff"
a) Lily Allen
b) Rufus Wainwright
c) Kate Nash
d) Bob Dylan
19. What is missing from this picture of Charlotte Church?
a) A sex toy
b) A microphone
c) A snake
d) Ronnie Corbett
20. And finally, what is your favourite website?
a) 2 Girls 1 Cup
d) Anything on YouTube involving fluffy kittens.
For those of you not aware of us, Celebritish is a blog which celebrates the good (not very much) and mocks the bad (mostly) in the world of UK celebrity. www.celebritish.blogspot.com