Wednesday, 21 November 2007

Gemma Atkinson's lesbo secret

A shocking story today from The Daily Star – or the Celebritish Bible as we like to call it.

"SIZZLING Gemma Atkinson shocked her jungle pals yesterday by revealing a saucy lesbian secret."

Get in! Wey-hey!

"The ex-Hollyoaks star has been enjoying kinky girl-on-girl action with actress Jaime Winstone, 22 – daughter of movie hard man Ray."

What?! A REAL lesbian? Oh dear god, all my dreams are shattered. I might as well claw my eyes out now, there will be nothing worth watching on I'm A Celeb anymore.

"But fellas can breathe a sigh of relief – the sizzling clinches are all for a new movie."

Oh thank heavens for that, if she was really a lesbian, I couldn't possibly perve over her. Now I know she will be pretending to fancy the offspring of Ray Winstone I can become genuinely aroused!

Gemma has been telling the celebs in the jungle about filming what sounds like a 21st Century masterpiece.

"When it came to the kissing, [the director] basically said: ‘I just want you to go for it because the more you do it the more happy it’s going to be.’"

Yay, happy pretend lesbians!

“I didn’t dislike it. But it’s just awkward because there’s loads of crew there."

Wait a second, you just said you weren't a filthy lesbian, now you "didn't dislike it"?!

“Afterwards I felt a bit ‘Oooww’ and when I got home I felt a bit abused.”

Well that has entirely ruined the fantasy I was playing out in my head. Thanks a lot Atkinson you bitch.

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